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Post by markcbrown on Mar 25, 2021 11:50:44 GMT
Maggie, the "coming of age" line is unnecessary as we already know Cade is a college freshman. No need for duplication of information. I think she was going from what I had written. But you're right.  |
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Post by markcbrown on Mar 25, 2021 13:23:13 GMT
OK, hopefully I learned something here.
Here's the blurb for book 2
The White Tree saga continues with more magic, dragons, and other mythical creatures in this time-travelling adventure.
Cade’s parents are away, when the unthinkable happens. Ancient ties are reaching out to the present as two forces connect.
Cade faces new challenges, especially after he befriends a mysterious man on a mission himself.
The Dark Ages hold many secrets, and this one, is just one of many.
And Book 3
The White Tree reaches the conclusion of an epic tale. Cade’s final quest is to right the wrong. What started as a simple search and rescue has turned, into saving the world.
Emotions run high, as sacrifices are made and heroes arise. One family, along with their friends, stand together as one for the greater good, as they discover, there is a little bit of magic in everyone.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2021 20:36:28 GMT
OK, hopefully I learned something here. Here's the blurb for book 2 The White Tree saga continues with more magic, dragons, and other mythical creatures in this time-travelling adventure. Cade’s parents are away, when the unthinkable happens. Ancient ties are reaching out to the present as two forces connect. Cade faces new challenges, especially after he befriends a mysterious man on a mission himself. The Dark Ages hold many secrets, and this one, is just one of many. And Book 3 The White Tree reaches the conclusion of an epic tale. Cade’s final quest is to right the wrong. What started as a simple search and rescue has turned, into saving the world. Emotions run high, as sacrifices are made and heroes arise. One family, along with their friends, stand together as one for the greater good, as they discover, there is a little bit of magic in everyone. Regarding the first one: Lacks urgency Replace "more" Replace "are reaching out" with "reach out." |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2021 20:38:35 GMT
Maggie, the "coming of age" line is unnecessary as we already know Cade is a college freshman. No need for duplication of information. True. In that case I would keep only Coming of age. It's a key search word. I'll look at it again tomorrow. |
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Post by markcbrown on Mar 26, 2021 3:48:38 GMT
I guess I still have a lot to learn. Anyways, here is what I had originally for bk 2
After Cade’s time-traveling experience to the dark ages, he was glad to put it behind him. Cade’s life was different now and for the most part, it was way better. Especially since he found and rescued his mother who had been missing for fourteen years. Life was beginning to settle down. However, Cade and his family were unaware that a storm was beginning to grow as ancient ties call the present.
Cade finds himself, once again, caught up into the past. Something threatens the White Tree, and, as Keeper of the Tree, his job is to protect it. Will his abilities help him?
Allies and foes, both mythical and legendary cross his path as his journey unfolds.
Cade faces new challenges, especially when he befriends a mysterious man, who himself, is on a dangerous mission
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Post by BlueAndGold on Mar 26, 2021 12:04:57 GMT
In that, you gave away the story of Book 1.
Now no one needs to read it.
WAY too much detail!
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Post by markcbrown on Mar 26, 2021 12:11:23 GMT
You just gave away the story of Book 1. Now no one needs to read it. WAY too much detail! "Now no one needs to read it" Hmm, so the whole world reads this forum. I don't think so. But thanks for the vote of confidence. It was just the backdrop to the story. The adventure story starts with Cade. |
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Post by BlueAndGold on Mar 26, 2021 12:16:15 GMT
Oh, no, Mark!
I was referring to a prospective shopper browsing the books. If he were to read the blurb on book two which gives away the story of book one, why would he buy book one?
I was just trying to point out that too much information can have detrimental effects, that's all.
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Post by markcbrown on Mar 26, 2021 12:26:14 GMT
It's all good. I have thick skin. These 2 books have gone through a metamorphizes. Covers/blurbs/covers again. I launch and learn and relaunch. Hopefully I'll get it right and create the blurb that slaps you in the face to get their attention, and intrigue enough (without giving too much away) to want to read it.
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Post by Retread-Retired-Cameron on Mar 26, 2021 12:29:29 GMT
A good blurb is meant to hook a person's interest, so it can mention the general theme without giving details. I'm not the greatest at it but the following is one I did, which illustrates the point.
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The simple line between our reality when awake and our nightmares when asleep can be very thin. In our fiction we are the innocent victims of monsters intent upon taking everything from us, including our lives.
In a world where corporations and governments work together to find new frontiers to strip for a profit, who decides if a creature from another world is an animal, a monster, or a person?
What happens when we are the monsters another species has very good reason to fear?
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Post by ronmiller on Mar 26, 2021 14:29:13 GMT
IMHO, too much detail about the story. The questions at the end are not necessary. I agree. The blurb could be half as long. |
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Post by Retread-Retired-Cameron on Mar 26, 2021 16:15:28 GMT
You could try something along of the following.
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One family kept a secret safe for centuries, until they let someone in.
Then one young man of the family discovers that the tales and stories of the Dark Ages told to him when he was a child, are actually true.
The magic, the mythical beasts, the sorcerers ...all of it.
What dangers will his newfound knowledge lead him to overcome?
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Post by markcbrown on Mar 26, 2021 16:59:50 GMT
I kinda have bk 1 done now. boiling down bk 2
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2021 12:30:27 GMT
Maggie, the "coming of age" line is unnecessary as we already know Cade is a college freshman. No need for duplication of information. Yup, good catch. I just looked at it again. So, basically it's pretty good. I would stop a few moments and consider buying it if I were browsing. How about a first page, marccbrown? |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2021 12:35:27 GMT
I guess I still have a lot to learn. Anyways, here is what I had originally for bk 2 After Cade’s time-traveling experience to the dark ages, he was glad to put it behind him. Cade’s life was different now and for the most part, it was way better. Especially since he found and rescued his mother who had been missing for fourteen years. Life was beginning to settle down. However, Cade and his family were unaware that a storm was beginning to grow as ancient ties call the present. Cade finds himself, once again, caught up into the past. Something threatens the White Tree, and, as Keeper of the Tree, his job is to protect it. Will his abilities help him? Allies and foes, both mythical and legendary cross his path as his journey unfolds. Cade faces new challenges, especially when he befriends a mysterious man, who himself, is on a dangerous mission You have five seconds on the to sell it. Think words that move fast rather than slowly. One word per action. "He rescued," not "found and rescued." You're writing for an impatient browser with a million things on their mind rather than someone who is sitting down to read a book. Sorry if this topic has already been closed and my feedback is unwelcome.🙄 |
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